It's funny how you chose yourelf a flock. There are certain people you spend your life with, hour to hour, share dinner and gossips, and never ever doubt your choice until something really strikes the usual routine.
It's like we all are watching other people from the barricades of our own friends. We can't go to the other side and share a meal with someone else. All that left is just watching other people pass by to the flock of their own.
It's a constant passing by, all this life, we're watching each other, glaring, whispering words behind someone's back, accepting or disapproving someone else's behaviour, knowing, still, that they do the same to us. And we're all OK with that.
Little flocks, groups, couples devide our lives into such a chequered battle field. We're all strangers, everybody, but it's easier to live this world if you have some little cage of minds and bodies which provides you with a little illusion of security.
Me, Nadine, Anie, Zut - we all are being watched.
assessed. cheked out. spoken about. thought to be.
All by the people who crowd all around us.
It's not like "we" really exist.
It's just that I want to feel like I have something more than just strangers around me.
We do too, I suppose. We made a pact. Such an amasing agreement, no peacemaker in history could've thought about something that brilliant.
Under this storm of opinions we stare.
Here comes Angela. This is a part of her real name, let me use this here. She passes by, shaking her hips in her usual cat-like manner. It's kinda funny to watch her being so sweet all the way through other "strangers"...she smiles and flashes her eyelashes at guys, like a little baby doll, which looks so good with her a plump figure, blush and wide open eyes..
Yeah, it's kinda funny to watch her now, since I know she used to be Nadine's best friend for years.
It's not kinda fun which says "hey you now I'm with her and you're not"
you see, I never felt I actually WAS with Nadine.
It's just funny...how things turn out, you know?
They used to be two parts of one flock. Big parts.
And now they're this strangers who eye each other, focusing on every little detail, slowly drifting through time, noticing each other change more and more, till they feel that every little piece which once glued them together is gone. And as they do, you know, they're ...so strangers.
funny, isn't it?
probably not at all, but I have no other word to describe that weird feeling I always get when I see how weird this life is.
Wind is blowing, and I can't help but think who is the next to become a stranger?
It can be anybody's turn to leave this little fake shelter we've created.
I look at them and think "One day it will be me, eyeing you from the opposite corner. Maybe this day is tomorrow"
четверг, 18 августа 2011 г.
среда, 3 августа 2011 г.
All unknown
It's not actually a fashion blog, guys.
I sure write a lot about clothing and things, I love fashion things, and I absolutely adore things my characters/real life mates (the same thing yeah) wear.
But I don't know much about it.
When it concerns my own style.
I know nothing when it turns to me.
That's why we're going to talk about somebody else here.
I'm just a narrator.
I have to show you the plot we're entering.
You see a group of people. Like, at the university. Two of them you already know. Nadine and Zut. Here they come, young and stunning.
You also see many others.
I need to tell their stories now too, while we're still at the beginning of some kinda story, I suppose?
Oh no, wait. It's not a story. It's a journal.
Next to Nadine, any day. anytime, you'll see Annie. Her name was supposed to mean some kinda freaky pet-name of Anorexia Nervosa.
Annie was overweight about 4 years ago. When she lived far away from here and never knew me, or Nadine, or anyone else. It was a little town, back then, and a little girl. Pretty uncertain about everything, as we all were. But what she certainly had, even then, was stamina and devotion. Sometimes I think she isn't a girl, but is a ..Terminator. She pushed herself hard, she changed, from one edge to another.
Now, Annie that I know and love is skinny, harsh, strong, very smart and articulate.
She never wavers. She would say all the nasty things to your face when you deserve it, and never hesitate for a second. She burns bridges and calls the shots, and if I'm to imagine this group of people at war - she sure is the commander-in-chief.
Army is not any random metaphor - she is a solider, that's the best word I can think of.
Annie loves life. She hates studies because she has to give 200% to it, that's her ultimatum, she can't be softer to herself. But when she has no obligations she is the most cheerful and sunny person I know. She dances and enjoys whatever weather. Although she prefers Sun. And she has very distinctive sense of humor: it is the border line one step from which means her joke is redneck and stupid, but she never crosses it, and makes me laugh hard. That shows some realism and toughness of hers, I suppose.
Although you know. Anorexia means she is hurt. At least, she used to be very hurt.
One day we'll find out.
Nadine and Annie stick together in this whirlpool of faces and minds as they prefer each other to other girls in a crowd: both intelligent and logical, both having nice managerial skills, both quite bitchy, strong, girly, and also with a little hint of melancholy which can't be healed. They are both very realistic and enjoy relationship which is in all aspects human, down-to-earth...
It is such a joy watching them work together in class! Having all the qualities I mentioned, they're the brightest students in the group. They complement each other perfectly, and through the years Nadine and Annie have managed to get to know each other so well that they work as a mechanism now and have never ever broke down.
As for Annie's relationship with another person I've already written about - I need to say that Annie is probably the only girl Zut is really afraid of. Not in a way many people dread spiders or snakes, no, but he speaks to her pretty seldom and tries to avoid joking while she's present - as if he's afraid that she would get offended by something. Her authority is clear to him and he never doubts it. While he teases Nadine, flirting, he would never dare to play the same game with Annie. Although he founds her attractive, I did ask. It is very funny to see them together, it's like the most controversial couple I've ever seen in my life. Which makes me want to see it more often.
Which make me want to write about them.
I'll tell you stories and heartbreaks.
But now...now we're just passing through the crowd of unfamiliar faces...oh, here we go, do you see them? Just like I said, tall pretty girl with a fringe, skinny black haired girl with huge huge eyes and a fringe, too...and here, approaching them, smiling, a guy with curls and self esteem.
I sure write a lot about clothing and things, I love fashion things, and I absolutely adore things my characters/real life mates (the same thing yeah) wear.
But I don't know much about it.
When it concerns my own style.
I know nothing when it turns to me.
That's why we're going to talk about somebody else here.
I'm just a narrator.
I have to show you the plot we're entering.
You see a group of people. Like, at the university. Two of them you already know. Nadine and Zut. Here they come, young and stunning.
You also see many others.
I need to tell their stories now too, while we're still at the beginning of some kinda story, I suppose?
Oh no, wait. It's not a story. It's a journal.
Next to Nadine, any day. anytime, you'll see Annie. Her name was supposed to mean some kinda freaky pet-name of Anorexia Nervosa.
Annie was overweight about 4 years ago. When she lived far away from here and never knew me, or Nadine, or anyone else. It was a little town, back then, and a little girl. Pretty uncertain about everything, as we all were. But what she certainly had, even then, was stamina and devotion. Sometimes I think she isn't a girl, but is a ..Terminator. She pushed herself hard, she changed, from one edge to another.
Now, Annie that I know and love is skinny, harsh, strong, very smart and articulate.
She never wavers. She would say all the nasty things to your face when you deserve it, and never hesitate for a second. She burns bridges and calls the shots, and if I'm to imagine this group of people at war - she sure is the commander-in-chief.
Army is not any random metaphor - she is a solider, that's the best word I can think of.
Annie loves life. She hates studies because she has to give 200% to it, that's her ultimatum, she can't be softer to herself. But when she has no obligations she is the most cheerful and sunny person I know. She dances and enjoys whatever weather. Although she prefers Sun. And she has very distinctive sense of humor: it is the border line one step from which means her joke is redneck and stupid, but she never crosses it, and makes me laugh hard. That shows some realism and toughness of hers, I suppose.
Although you know. Anorexia means she is hurt. At least, she used to be very hurt.
One day we'll find out.
Nadine and Annie stick together in this whirlpool of faces and minds as they prefer each other to other girls in a crowd: both intelligent and logical, both having nice managerial skills, both quite bitchy, strong, girly, and also with a little hint of melancholy which can't be healed. They are both very realistic and enjoy relationship which is in all aspects human, down-to-earth...
It is such a joy watching them work together in class! Having all the qualities I mentioned, they're the brightest students in the group. They complement each other perfectly, and through the years Nadine and Annie have managed to get to know each other so well that they work as a mechanism now and have never ever broke down.
As for Annie's relationship with another person I've already written about - I need to say that Annie is probably the only girl Zut is really afraid of. Not in a way many people dread spiders or snakes, no, but he speaks to her pretty seldom and tries to avoid joking while she's present - as if he's afraid that she would get offended by something. Her authority is clear to him and he never doubts it. While he teases Nadine, flirting, he would never dare to play the same game with Annie. Although he founds her attractive, I did ask. It is very funny to see them together, it's like the most controversial couple I've ever seen in my life. Which makes me want to see it more often.
Which make me want to write about them.
I'll tell you stories and heartbreaks.
But now...now we're just passing through the crowd of unfamiliar faces...oh, here we go, do you see them? Just like I said, tall pretty girl with a fringe, skinny black haired girl with huge huge eyes and a fringe, too...and here, approaching them, smiling, a guy with curls and self esteem.
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